once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i dont even know how to be here
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
