You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
