The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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