What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
