it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
