Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
