Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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