College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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