"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Randomize
