I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
