your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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