I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
