I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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