Don't make out with my wife yet
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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