I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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