I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
