i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
