Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
