So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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