quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
