eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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