Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
tell me about the fingering
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