I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
