I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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