To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I understand Curling. That high.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
