So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
