mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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