When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The uberlube is also flammable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize