then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
