Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
