Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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