Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You pole danced in your parka.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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