Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
