Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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