dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
