I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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