I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
