I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
