Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
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On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
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The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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