Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
