she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
