so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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