Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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