I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
