3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
