My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
