Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
