Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
