you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
