God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
