I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
