Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
