Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I currently don't understand fingers.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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