he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
