So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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