Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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