omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
