Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
