You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
