The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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