You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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