420 ftw
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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