Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
