He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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