Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
